Relationship Issues & Family Conflict
All relationships and families face challenges at times. From marriage difficulties and issues with children to caring for aging parents, relationships throughout our lives can be difficult to manage and require work to maintain. When these issues are not addressed, this can lead to conflicts that threaten the stability of these relationships. In every relationship - whether it’s with a family member, someone you’re dating, your spouse, your friend, or coworkers - it is normal to experience some hurdles at times.
What Is Relationship Conflict?
Relationship conflict is a disagreement between people. That can mean your partners, but it can also mean friends, siblings, or co-workers. The root of the conflict might be something like a difference of opinion, experience, taste, perspective, personality, or beliefs.
Conflict is generally intense enough to disrupt some aspect of the relationship, such as communication, which differentiates it from simply having a different point of view. It's not just romantic partners who can experience conflicted relationships—families can also be in conflict.
Whether it's an open debate over dinner or an underlying feeling of discomfort that remains unspoken, family conflict can cause a significant amount of stress. It might be that there's no lack of love between members, but rather, a lack of comfort in dealing with conflict.
Common causes for Family Conflict
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Common causes for Family Conflict *
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Family members tend to have some degree of financial overlap. Siblings might bicker over an inheritance. Parents may have strong opinions on how their children handle money. Or adult children might feel the need to control their aging parents’ finances. When it comes to large family events, such as weddings or holiday parties, financial disagreements can often come to a head. However, there are ways to navigate money-related problems within your family.
Put things in writing
Set boundaries
Know when to be transparent
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Research from 2020 shows that about 19 percent of Americans are acting as unpaid family caregivers. The stresses and responsibilities of being a caregiver can weigh heavily on family relationships. Conflicts over caregiving aren’t limited to sibling relationships. You might have arguments with your parents or spouse over how to raise your children.
When you and another family member are at odds over caregiving, try these tips:
Be open about what level of support you need as a caregiver
Look for compromise and accept other people’s limitations
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As your family expands, so does the potential for new conflicts. In one study of estrangement between mothers and adult children, more than 70 percent of the mothers said other family members caused the rift. The mothers often pointed to the child’s partner or spouse as the problem.
To better get along with your in-laws:
Expect differences
Focus on their most positive traits
Find common interests
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Religious and political similarities can affect the strength of family bonds. For example, studies indicate that when mothers share the same religion as adult children, they tend to experience higher-quality relationships.
Here’s how to deal with difficult family members who have opposing views:
Identify useful conversations
Avoid sweeping generalizations
Try to see the human element in the other person’s values
Know when to exit heated arguments
Be mindful of your jokes
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Things that happened in the past can have a lasting effect on family relationships. Did you and your son have an explosive argument when he was a teenager? If the matter went unresolved, he might continue to be resentful or distrustful of you. Did your parents seem to favor you over your brothers? Jealousy could become an underlying source of tension for your siblings.
For example, insecurities over parental favoritism might reappear as you and your siblings begin to act as caregivers to an aging parent.
If you’re the one holding onto an issue, speak up
If a family member is holding resentment, be empathetic
The impact of relationship issues and family issues
When there are problems in a family or personal relationship that remain unresolved, it can lead to several negative effects, including:
Negative emotions, including anger and sadness
Exhaustion
Inability to concentrate
Trouble sleeping
Health issues
Changes in diet
Difficulties in other relationships, such as friends
Abusing alcohol or drugs as a method of coping